" James," insisted Connie, "you mustn't go on beating yourself up about this. She's OK with it. I told you she would be, remember?" You didn't see the look in her eyes," I said. "I don't know if I'll ever forget it. She was scared, really terrified." Yes," agreed Fran. "It must have been awful for her. Rape must be every girl's worst nightmare. The thought of it is bad enough; I can't imagine what the reality would be like. So, Connie, I know you mean well but I don't think you should make light of it because you can't know how she felt unless you've suffered it yourself, can you?" Er —" began Connie, and paused.Alarmed, I gripped her by the arm and looked her straight in the eye. "Connie," I asked gravely, "have you been raped?" I'm not sure," she replied.Fran and I exchanged perplexed looks. "How can you not be sure?" I asked."It's like this," explained Connie. "Back home in Ghana, I suppose I must have been seventeen, I was at college and to earn some money I worked in the evenings. I couldn’t figure out if this was a test or a joke.“You know that I like you, you should have told me you liked me,” she said.“You already knew, why else did you always tease me in the worst ways. You don’t know what that does to me.” She looked at me silently. “I wanted to leave you before all this; do you know what it’s like to see something like you every day; something so perfect, that plays with and teases you all the time, and for some reason in your mind, you just know you can never have her; I was going crazy.” She was silent for a little longer.“Why can’t you ever have me?”“I don’t know, because you knew that I liked you, but you never acted on it, I was your game, nothing that you could take seriously.”Something struck her, and struck her hard. Her eyes started welling up. After a few tears speckled my face, she put her head down into my sheets beside my ear.“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “I didn’t know.”Her crying was very conflicting. I had always wanted to be there.
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