You know, feeling it is something that came later. I think feeling implies something conscious. Making the connection is subconscious.aroslav: Have you noticed that sometimes you talk like someone much older?TONY: Oh. You mean I'm pretentious?aroslav: That's not what I meant...TONY: I suppose I am. It was almost a game when Dumpling and I started talking with a real vocabulary instead of grunts. It's her fault. She's got a vocabulary like you wouldn't believe. She made me use mine. We'd sit in the loft and I'd say, "Shit!" and she'd say, "What does that mean, Tony?" Of course, it wasn't enough to give a definition and say "excrement." She wanted to know what I meant when I said it. It didn't stop me from using common swear words, but when I was talking to her, she made me explain what I was thinking when I said them.aroslav: Was it hard growing up in Nebraska for an artist?TONY: Nebraska has a lot of fine artists.aroslav: Like?TONY: Joyce Ballantyne.aroslav:???TONY: Okay. I can tell. One memory strikes me the most. Dan was housesitting one weekend. After hanging out at the pool, we fooled around in the bedroom of the house he was sitting. It felt so deliciously bad to do something so naughty. There, I gave him his first blow job. He screamed so loud that I was afraid his neighbors would hear us. I realized then that he was not the same wide-eyed, innocent guy I used to bake cookies for in high school. Then again, it’s easy to mistake inexperience for innocence. I soon learned of his taste for bizarre erotica, particularly involving anthropomorphic characters and mummification or entombment. Still, if fantasy can become reality, then why the hell not? He even called me his ‘silver fox’ at one point in time. However, I could never afford the expensive materials to completely bind him…but I had other methods of satiating both of our hungers. On the Fourth of July, we watched fireworks while ‘chaperoned’ by his brother, who soon left when he saw our intentions..
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