I had a little too much to drink when Levi come up to me and hit on me. He bought me a few drinks, we danced, and I felt so good about him that well we ended up back at his place. He seemed nice enough and all. I made the mistake of sleeping with him. The next morning as I was getting up I saw a video camera hooked up to a computer. When I looked at it and played the video. I saw that he recorded us having sex.”“Oh wow that’s so messed up. Not you sleeping with him, but recording it I mean.”“I know right. Well I dug a little deeper and saw he had dozens of videos of girls. I even found an online account to a porn site where he was uploading them. I quickly deleted my video, got dress and left. He showed up yesterday and was pissed saying how I knew about the camera and agreed to be filmed. He acted like I was some porn star. The rest you know.”“Yeah sounds like a creep to me. Could have been worse though.”“How so?”“Well he could have posted it and your boyfriend could have found it. Was ... who was I? I have almost forgotten now. Now I am the girl who is loved, because she is obedient. Fulfilled, because she serves. Safe, because she is confined. Happy, because she exists only for others. Her superiors. Her owners. Everywhere I look now, the image is repeated. Gently, persistently, beautifully, happily repeated: you are rabinya.I will not be able to hold on to ... to ... Jennifer Karin McEwan for much longer. She is like the sand in an hour glass. Each day more and more of her flows away and very soon now there will be nothing left. The pictures are helping to do it and they are everywhere I look. On the walls, in my cell, in my head after I close my eyes to sleep.Everywhere the pictures whisper to me, "rabinya!"Has the time come at last? To let the final grains of sand slip out of the hour-glass, taking the final vestiges of the person I once was away with them forever?I think it really has. I am collared and chained and in prison here. I am to serve a life.
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