There's a bed a few feet away, but I won't sleep in it. The thought of all the lost souls wasting their existence on that infested mattress saddens me. The prostitutes and their johns. The drunks pissing themselves. The addicts shooting their fix into their veins.It's not any belief that I'm better than them that makes me choose to not sleep there. No; I belong here. I am just as lost as any alcoholic, junkie, or whore who has ever stared at these same four walls.The reason I choose the floor is because I am alone.I wasn't always like I am now. I once believed in the faithful heart. I believed that I was a good man, a good husband. I believed that I loved.I believe none of those things now.I have been married for 10 years to the most wonderful woman I have ever known. Our life together had been good. She didn't deserve what I did to her.Up until three days ago I wouldn't have thought it possible that I could betray her. That I could make her sob. That I could push her down the slopes. "Oh, okay..." But well-executed, anyway."Smile returned. An hour or so later, the pine trees of central Alabama were a thousand feet under us in the traffic pattern of our home field. Forty-five minutes after that, the plane was in the hangar and we were on our way to Charlie and Helen's.We parked and walked in the back door, knowing we were no surprise, after we called them on our touch-down. The two were sitting at the breakfast table."How was your trip?" Helen asked.I let Cindy handle that conversation. Helen, as much as any of us, relished Cindy's enthusiasm. I hauled bags in from the truck. Mizz Eletha caught me going into the guest room."Dan, just pile those dirty clothes by the door. I'll get 'em." Oh, thank you, Mizz Eletha," I said, "but I can do laundry." It's MY job, Dan. How was your trip?" Shows me that I get lonesome for home and I don't know it," I said. "Cindy does too, and it's not even HER home." Most folks want a place to call home, Dan. She calls whatever you call.
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