.by the way, have you seen the first rushes yet?" and so it goes, the small-talk people make, even at funerals, the chitchat they generate clustered around sickbeds, and deathbeds, the pointless albeit essential buzz they doubtless made on the walk back from the crematoriums in the concentration camps, the firing-squads, the death marches, too... Tears have meanwhile dried in my thickly-applied make-up, so thickly-applied, in fact, that it's like a mask of sludge, so thick, to be precise, it's like my face is under an inch of mud; why, I wonder. Why--this heavy-handed, intentionally inexpert job? It's theatrical make-up, that's why, corpse make-up, that's what I suddenly realize, puddinged on the way they prepare the dead, or the slow dancing actress portraying an archetype of death on stage, her face emotionless, unblemished, vacant--serene, by which I mean to say, soulless, un-transcendent in every sense...does that make sense? Yes, there is no other conclusion to draw. I've made up. "Are you, okay?" Are you?" he asked softly.I managed a weak grin, then said, "Nothing I haven't been through before." Me neither," he said sadly. "But... you're really not angry, are you. I would be." I'm... I'm disappointed I guess. I thought you wouldn't let... let it take over like that."He didn't say anything, just sighed a sat there looking at me pitifully.When I saw it was just a little after nine, I got up carefully and grabbed some tissues to wipe the seepage from my ass and locked the dead bolt while I was up."Fuck, Joey... My voice is gonna be screwed up tomorrow, and I have to read a paper... " I said, trying to clear my throat again and sitting down next to him. The tissue paper I still had in my hand had a streak of wetness along with a little bit of blood.I moved it closer to his face and said, "Here. You want it now?" Shit. Get it the fuck away," he said before allowing himself a small chuckle."Mmmm... looks awful tasty," I teased."You're sick, he said before giving.
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