A tall, older man appeared out of nowhere. He appeared to be about 50 years old. He wore a dark gray robe, a silver headband and several large rings on his fingers.He looked around for several moments as if he was searching for something. He uttered strange words I had never heard before as his hands lightly glowed. Suddenly, his head turned directly towards me and we made eye contact. I had been detected! I stood up, jumped out of the bushes and ran as fast as I could to the south. I had only made it a few steps when I heard the man shout some words I had heard before. He was casting a spell of plant control! This spell allows one who is powerful enough to animate plant life in a limited fashion.I immediately felt roots emerge from the ground and wrap themselves around my feet. I frantically tried to pull them off, but more roots would cover my feet faster than I was tearing them away. I was trapped! The man slowly walked up to me, taking his time. He knew I was trapped and he was. Unsurprisingly, I was still a virgin. Virgin? I had kissed a girl exactly once, and that was more of a brother-sister kiss than a passionate one. For that matter, I was still kind of fuzzy about, you know, the "birds and bees" stuff. This was back in the early 60s, you see. The Dark Ages. Before universal sex education. Before universal sex."Dave, look. You're not ugly or anything. It's just that... well, it might help if you took a shower every once in a while, and maybe even brushed your teeth. You know, take care of yourself, show a little pride in your appearance. Learning a few of the -- what we used to call 'social niceties' -- that might not kill you either."I didn't know quite what to make of that, but gradually it got through my thick skull. I stank and had bad breath. And I was a clod. That might just explain a few things.It stung. I gritted my teeth as I scraped the remains of half a dozen Blue Plate Specials into the plastic trash barrel. I stank."Oh, it's not all that.
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