I held Em’s hand and she held Mom’s. On the far side, I could see that Dad simply had his head bowed with tears dripping from his eyes.Christmas without Peyton. It just didn’t seem right.I remembered her words a year and a half ago at her birthday. “I’m going to change the world so people don’t have to be separated from the ones they love.”Oh, little angel. How much I feel the separation between us now.I realized I didn’t believe in God anymore. If he was there, he was irrelevant. I promised my little angel that I would fulfill her vow.After Christmas morning with Mom and Dad, Em and I returned silently to the farm. They had been invited to have Christmas dinner with Rachel’s family. During the day, we all gathered together. It seemed like everyone was a little subdued. Yeah, we were all there. Joan had come in Christmas morning. We all ate our Christmas dinner together and there were a few little presents exchanged. None of us were into exchanging gifts, but we’d supplied money for. . stuff that gets in the way of our lives." I like being President. Let's face it, only forty-six people ever got to do it, but I get this strong sense that this life is over. It's like I've done whatever I was supposed to do as John Gray, and now the Universe wants its balance back."Beth Ann you are the sexiest, sweetest, most beautiful woman I've ever known. You are truly my first great love, and I feel like its all ending, so be ready for some bad thing to take me away from you, but know I'll find a way back, if the universe puts me in someone else."No matter what I have to do, where I have to go, or who I have to become, I'll come back to you if it's possible."We cuddled for a little while longer, and she went off to see how the babies were doing, leaving me alone to dwell on my problem.It wasn't long before Regina came in carrying our daughter. "Someone wants to see her daddy," she said, smiling."Hey, big girl. If you get any bigger my lap won't hold you, will it? You are.
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