I thought about the idea of love and happiness and wondered if I still had the ability to believe in even the concept of such a thing. Well yes, perhaps I did, because I was still able to feel happy for people that fell in love around me. I thought about Sarah who had just recently found that ‘special someone’ she had always dreamed of and the way my heart warmed as she told us about him, her cheeks red and her eyes shining. So yes, I still believed, as only a true romantic can, but the idea that I would be able to find someone I could love, who would love me back this time, was just too unbelievable. I figured that the damage done to both my body and my psyche was too big. The way my body reacted to loud sounds, to someone moving too fast or to a simple touch of a hand was almost as disturbing as the way my mind seemed to see dangers everywhere I went and the way I considered every new person I met an enemy. The simple fact that the first thought to surface at every casual meeting. I bucked my hips against him, but he held me with the one hand on my thigh and the other pressed against my belly. Biting my lip harder to avoid crying out, explosions racked my tiny body as I writhed beneath his powerful grasp. I sagged forward, spent, and went to kiss him softly on the lips. He slid his hand out and pushed gently backwards. I could see his pants and they now looked like a circus tent. “But what about you?” I asked. “I can wait,” he whispered, “but I think I might be stuck behind this desk for a while. Come see me when Miss Strachan leaves.” I climbed down from the desk, straightened myself up as best I could manage and then escaped quickly through the outer office. I cleaned up and cooled down some more in the toilets before meeting the other girls in the cafeteria. I must have done a reasonable job because nobody commented. “How’s No-Panty-Tuesday, B’lin? ,” Trish giggled. “Any sightings, yet?” “No,” I mused, “No sightings.” I smiled cryptically and they looked at.
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