The monkey mimed a drinking action.“They were drinking?”The monkey nodded his head.“What else?” continued the officer.The monkey pinched his fingers together, held them to his mouth and rolled his eyes.“They were smoking marijuana?”The monkey nodded.“Anything else?” asked the officer.The monkey mimed a kiss.“They were kissing too?”The monkey nodded his head.“So,” said the officer, “you’re saying they were drinking, smoking and kissing before they crashed the car?”The monkey nodded.“And what were you doing while all this was going on?”“Driving,” mimed the monkey.A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”A man strolls. “That was ... wonderful, Jimmy”“Ah ... thank you ma’am. Erm ... yeah, I liked it too” he says, giving me his best I-just-ran-head-first-into-the-quarterback-but-I’m-ok look. I sigh contentedly, then lean in to kiss him again, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth before sliding down and encountering the neckbeard where I had planned to nibble.“Better get done in here”I stroke the fuzz covering the underside of his jaw and his Adam’s apple then reach for the foam and razor. Squirting foam into my palm I smooth it tenderly over chin and neck. I’ve not often shaved a guy but figure it can’t be worse than knees. I take the razor and methodically, gently, strip back the thin mess of blonde curls, revealing a deliciously smooth, tanned neck, better framing Jimmy’s prominent jaw. I rinse the rest of the foam and pull back, my hands resting on his shoulders.“Much better!”I lean back in and kiss him again, my tongue darting in an out, just touching teeth and tracing along his upper lip. I then.
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