By all means I know how it goes. I'm a guy too you know" and he laughed. "You mind if I come in?" This took me back a little bit, but I didn't know what else to say so I invited him in. He sat down on the other end of the couch as I tried to hide the fact that my pants were half undone. Neil is a good looking guy in his mid 30s, with a nice, pretty toned body and a nice smile. He is real down to earth, and I've always gotten along with him well. "Seriously Marcus, it's not a big deal at all. If you think other guys don't do that too you're sadly mistaken." He said it in a way that kind of put me at ease. He started to talk about being a guy and how frustrating it is sometimes being horny all the time. I began to feel much more comfortable, and he assured me I had nothing to be embarrassed about. "Hell, I don't know how I got anything done when I was your age" he said "the amount of time I spent alone in my room with some dirty magazine or comic book." and he started laughing and I. Mother died on December 24th. Mother's death wasan abrupt termination of all my expectations to convince her I was reallya girl in male body. My yearning to femininity had no chances anymore. Myfate was to live with my father, a man, an officer. I was expecting himto start his attack on me every minute while the last cordon protectingme against the brutality my mother was gone.Burial was set on December 27th because of Christmas. There was noChristmas this year. The same day as my mother died father and I went toChristmas Eve mass to Lutheran church what was the only thing alluding tous it was Christmas. It was a festive mass and I calmed down a little butthen I heard a "Silent night"... (I always cry when I hear "Silentnight", "Nearer my God to Thee" or "Amazing Grace" as some other peopledo) Tears started to flow and I couldn't stop them. I just tried not toweep aloud. A man wasn't expected to cry and I tried to keep my tears atleast till we came home where I could hide in my room..
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