She could not bear to count the amount of money she had stolen. She felt like she was standing on a precipice, balancing, staring down into the chasm which was about to consume her young life. She felt utterly miserable.Concealing her outer turmoil from the outside world had involved years of practice. She was used to protecting herself from the criticism of her family all her life. From around 13 she had kept private the chaotic thoughts of her emerging sexuality.She had begun masturbating around then, the techniques discovered with the giggling advice of her school friends. The talk at school drifted increasingly towards boys. Boys whom she knew she couldn't get too close to. It wasn't fair that her brother Kalil, only 2 years older, could bring his girlfriend Sherri home to make-out with while her parents worked in the evening.Sherri, a blond white girl her own age slithering all over her brother while she had to stay in her room to study.Finishing a damned history essay late one. A chilled glass of Chablis was handed to me as I walked into her small, but immaculate flat. We gossiped about a few things, specifically my son and his lack of a girlfriend. As the eldest sibling, Emma felt it her duty to look after her brother, including organising his love life. Lee was forever moaning about his sister's interference, yet was always there when Emma wanted to introduce him to one of many friends. I had often laughed at her hypercritical attitude; she seemed determined to see Lee fixed up with a permanent girlfriend, yet she, though four years his senior, until Luke's sudden appearance, felt no need for a steady boyfriend in her life.Whenever this inconsistency was pointed out, she shrugged it off with a comment like 'it is different for men, they need someone to organise them properly'. As this thought passed through my mind, I wondered whether she considered that I needed organising. Before I could expand this though Emma asked me directly why I was there."Can't I.
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