I reach up and grab a hold of my breast and squeeze hard. I need it hard. I need it rough. I squeeze and pinch my nipples and breasts until it hurts so good as I keep slamming my fingers inside my pussy. My legs are shaking and I feel like I’m getting close. As I slam my fingers in I feel my pussy gushing and throbbing against my fingers. My clit is screaming for me to fuck faster and rub harder. I squeeze my tits as hard as I can and begin moving from slamming three fingers into my pussy hard and using my full hand to rub and pinch my clit fast and hard. After a few rounds of this I am screaming and cumming all over my hand. My knees are so weak that I let myself kneel on the shower floor and come down from the high. Fuck that was good. After a few minutes I finish my shower and finish dressing and prettying up. I am beyond ready to surprise my man. Before I leave the room I remember my surprises that I bought for Wes. I place the first carefully and pocket the second then I’m out. I wasn’t ready. Our relationship had never been fixed… there was so much left unsaid, undone.. No! It just wasn’t time! Why? I wanted to scream my frustration, I wanted to scream that I didn’t know what to do! How would this every be right! How could my dad be gone? No, no, no, it wasn’t right, wasn’t time. I lit a cigarette and painfully took puffs in between sobs. My boyfriend quietly reminded me that I needed to breathe. My best friend called, he told her what happened. She got off work early and headed for my house. I called my step mom and we cried together on the phone, miles apart, confessing that we were mad at him. Saying out loud was like aloe on a burn. It made me feel better. I think that’s when the healing began. I felt a piece of my heart wiggle its way back into place. ‘Death, the one appointment we must keep, and for which no time is set.’ ~Charlie Chan The evening passed, my boyfriend, mother, and best friend and I gazing at each other from across the room, unsure.
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