Maybe a slight exaggeration, because I couldn’t deny I still got turned on by the physical act of Jill being with other guys. But what was definitely true was that the balance between pain and pleasure was now totally out of control and not one I enjoyed.It felt like what had started out as a game was a monster that had turned around and was on the verge of gobbling up our marriage. Our marriage now seemed something that was hanging by a thread, on life support. Something squeezed into a few hours on a Monday and Tuesday and if I was lucky a few tired hours snatched on Sunday between when Jill arrived back from Malcolm’s and she headed back out to her job.As I considered the state of my marriage, I had a sad and hollow feeling in my heart. The single thing that gave me a sense of hope and happiness was that aside from the mess of my marriage I had Veronica and Haley in my life.During all that time that I’d been sitting there thinking about things, my phone had been going off. Spare, tiny flakes floated lazily down to white-frosted lawns and rooftops. I felt rather heroic. I had become attached to the hill I'd conquered over the past six months and to the bloated carrier bags that I now slung around my back and shoulders with routine nonchalance. I had not grown taller, but from the way I was climbing that hill every day and the way I handled multiple deliveries on the big hill at the top of Exchange Street on Saturdays, I had grown in strength and endurance. I felt I had learned the message behind Pogo's little joke, which I had seen not long ago in the Sunday comics: "We have met the enemy, and he is us!" My physical limitations were my major enemy. I felt that if I could not overcome them, then I must develop effective workarounds.Adults were, if not inimical, untrustworthy at best. My peers and those who were slightly older had gone Brando, all in upturned collars or black motorcycle jackets and t-shirts. Boys my own age, nearly fourteen, began.
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