”“I see,” she said, with a tinge of sadness, “I understand.”A few moments passed in silence.“Would you talk to me about it,” she spoke again, “if I were to… you know… express favourable views on the situation…”“Oh?”“It was so weird…”“I can understand that.”“And almost repulsive to see.”“Repulsive...”“I couldn’t get the visual out of my mind that night, lying drunk on the bed, and I… I touched myself, Josh. A lot.”“Ellen, you don’t need to…”“When I woke up I decided whatever I did I did because I was drunk.”“Yes, that’s it. You were drunk.”“I was. But the feeling stayed, even the next day. It’s almost like I was… jealous as well as excited.”“Jealous of… me?”“Of you both. For sharing something I felt left out of. I don’t know why, I know it’s stupid…”“But you don’t feel… attracted to mom?”“Will you tell me what you like about her when you… you know think of her like that?”“Really Ellen, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t think you’d understand anyway…”“You’re wrong. I do,” she said. "Bass is easier, and I can dance along with the groove, unlike guitar."Dance she did. She looked good doing it, too. Why am I thinking about that? She's really, really cute. Why is that in my head? I'm not gay. This is getting weird. I offer to show her some of my stage clothes and we head to my bedroom. Why did I offer to show her? I...do not know."This is my main outfit, I call it my Madonna set up, and it looks the part, and we all try to match it up. Sometimes we'll go all preppy and wear polo shirts and shorts with neon ankle socks and colored shoes. Sometimes we go all spandex and play the headbanger girl bit, but we always have our hair stuff matching in the pastel colors, hence our name. I'm green, Deanna is orange, Violet is purple, Kim is yellow and you'll be teal!" As I dig through my drawers I find the teal head scarf and teal bow and I hand them to her."Your first uniform for the band! If Becky gives me some of the stuff back we'll be okay, if not, we can head to the.
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