Personally, I now saw it as a goal to eventually achieve, but to do it far out in the future.Bam! Bam! Bam!Whoever was at my front door was persistent. My eyes popped open. The alarm clock displayed 8:03 AM. That wasn't that early, but after last evening my body wanted to stay in bed. I had Katie and her mom Lori coming over in the afternoon, so I needed my rest.I stood and grabbed my plaid robe to cover my naked body then padded wearily to the front door as if it was the most arduous task in the world. What could be so important? The other issue was it HAD to be important because most people would have left by now. I knew it wasn't one of the girls I regularly had sex with because I gave them all copies of the key to my house."Just a minute!" I yelled.I got to the front, tightened the belt on my robe, and opened the door.It was a woman dressed in blue. She was a cop!She said a name and asked if it was me."Yes," I said."I'm Officer Krysta. Can I come in?" she asked."What's this. It was all about being in the zone: controlling my breathing by taking slow, steady deliberate breaths. I could feel my heart rate slow and my body coming to a completely relaxed state. When it was right, I was one hundred per cent in the zone. For that moment time stops, I would feel alive with some nagging sense that I wouldn’t be staying that way for long. That moment would seem to last forever for me … a time out of life. Then I would pull the trigger and know I had taken a man’s life. Looking through a scope at a target is something quite personal. I would watch some guy wipe his nose with his sleeve or the sweat off his brow with his hand. Sometimes I would watch the eyes shift and I would wonder what he was thinking about … and whether he was married and had kids. Was he looking at me … wondering what I was thinking? Wondering if I had a wife? Sometimes I just thought too damn much. It was best to think of this as an intellectual exercise of the dynamics of trajectory, speed.
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