"I couldn't move any faster, so she got a good long look at my hairy butt, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't in any big hurry to pull my pants up. Barbara had the always-annoying habit of busting in unannounced, expecting us to drop everything and deal with her problems. So now she stood paralyzed while I finished, staring her right in the eyes. To my surprise, her eyes changed from urgent hysteria to something different, maybe something slightly sexual.We both stood there silently while I zipped up my pants.I wasn't embarrassed; not in front of her! I was more pissed off than anything. Barbara is isn't a good-looking woman by any stretch of the imagination. She weighs about 200 lbs. with big tits, and she always looks sloppy. She wears stretch pants, usually a stained t-shirt with no bra and today her hair needed a good brushing.I sat back down on the couch and she found a place on the love seat sitting at a 90-degree angle relative to the couch."What do you want, Barbara?"Her eyes. My first only lasted a few years, until Betsy learned that she'd rather be spending her forever with her thesis adviser than with me. My second actually should have lasted forever, but apparently God had other plans. Instead, after five wonderful years, Catherine was killed in a car accident.And then there was the third, the only one that I really consider to have been a mistake. I probably married too soon, and definitely not too well. Samantha was interested in spending more money than we made, and figured that my inability to make a career as a writer was simply the result of laziness on my part. It turned out to be more of an antipathy to the sort of nagging pressure that she and her mother were expert at. Once I was on my own, I got good enough to quit my other job and start writing full-time. I've now published four books, the last three on the New York Times bestseller list.I am a real estate novelist. That's right. Just like the line from "The Piano Man." It's an odd.
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