"I'm going to look for work -- but not for a career. I want to go back to school, after a year, and get my Masters and, if possible, my Doctorate. Then I'll teach." Teach? Where? What?" History. I want to be an historian. A college professor, I guess." For now, can you make more money with a regular 9-5 job, than you can, caddying?" she asked me."Probably. Although I don't exactly qualify for the big bucks. An undergraduate degree, these days, is the new high school diploma." Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm a lucky girl. I've got a free ride, and a rich Daddy." What are you going to do?" I'm going on the tour. Not the LPGA -- the Futures Tour." Wow. That's a hard road, isn't it? I mean, I've heard the purses on the Futures Tour aren't much." You've heard right. Even if you win a tournament, it's like, $10 or $12 thousand. The purses -- for the entire tournaments -- only run between $70 and $100 thousand. Not exactly a get-rich-quick scheme." It sounds like it'll be tough, just. (Later, thinking back, I wondered whether I could have said I had lost a bet with someone and had to do this.) Luckily for me, I didn't have to explain anything. Mom came in and sat down on Sis's bed."Tony, come sit by me." I did. "Now, how long have you been doing this?"I couldn't invent a lie. "For a few months, Mom." Do you like her clothes? I mean, do you like wearing them? I guess you do, don't you."Abjectly, I whispered, "Yes." But you know that boys and girls dress in different kinds of clothes, don't you?" Yes." But you want to wear her clothes. Are you... are you gay?"I was ten years old. I knew what "gay" meant, but I was too young to know whether I was or not. The possibility had troubled me ever since I discovered how much I liked wearing Sis's things. But I took the safe way out:"No, Mom. I don't think so. At least, I don't feel that way." Well, do you want... do you wish you were a girl?"I hesitated. These were awfully searching questions. Finally, I said, "I only wish.
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