’ She stepped up to me trying to hug me. I held her off, gently but firmly. Her tears cut me to the bone. I was wavering between wanting to believe her and not. Between wanting to take her in my arms and pushing her away. ‘You need to decide Sarah them or me. You have only the one choice. Until you decide, I can’t live with you. I can’t be near you. It is all up to you, it always has been. You need to make the right choice and then live with the consequences of that choice.’ ‘Ben. I want you. I need you. Please give me one more chance. Please Ben?’ ‘Make your choice Sarah. I can’t settle for second best. You need to decide what you want. Then, you can never go back. Once this choice of yours is made…that is it. Can you understand what I am saying to you? I can’t be a second in your life. I have to be first.’ I left and went to a hotel. June stopped by and talked to me. She was worried about Sarah. I was too, but I knew that Sarah had to make the decision about what she wanted first.. I was an accident, clearly. Im pretty sure my mother only wanted three kids, but I think she was kind of relieved, too. She got the daughter she wanted in the end. My dad did computer work for some big company. I dont know exactly what, but he spends most of his time on his work computer, typing up reports. He leaves every morning at six thirty for work, and usually stays late doing overtime. Mom is a real estate agent, and when she isnt working, shes watching HGTV, trying to get new ideas. Ideas for what Im not sure. Does she plan to fix our house up? Someone elses? Who knows. My parents have lived in this rut for the past four years. We all know their marriage is dead, but neither of them have moved for a divorce. Its an issue we all tiptoe around. When things were at their worse, I would sneak into Milos room, climb into his bed, and snuggle up with him. I would cover my ears with a pillow or he would tell me bad jokes. I was twelve and he was just shy of fourteen. That was six.
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