” “We like to keep refreshing our tans,” said Tony. “We get away at least six weeks in the year, don’t we Jen?” I nodded and Gaynor asked, huskily, “Do you go to the nude beach?” “Yes, we find it liberating and there’s no messing about with wet swim gear. I think it’s great to swim naked.” “As long as the water’s not too cold,” said Gaynor with a mock shiver which set her earrings wobbling and, more noticeably, got her breasts jiggling. We all laughed and Tony said, “The water’s usually warm here this time of year. It was yesterday.” “Good,” said Gaynor. “Well, we’d better not keep you. We’ve got to get some breakfast yet.” As they went back into their apartment, Gaynor halted in the doorway and said, “And don’t worry about us, Jen, there’s no need for the wrap. As far as we’re concerned it’s secluded up here, no-one else can see us.” Then she nodded at Tony. “And we won’t be offended if you’re naked as well.” She grinned, gave a fluttering wave of her right-hand fingers and. There is something of August Cooper in me, and it feels special enough that it should be preserved. It feels like the most valuable thing I have to offer this world. For the first time in my life, the idea of looking down at the round, cherubic face of a child bearing my name seems overwhelmingly beautiful. It seems like something to want. Something to need. I’d never really thought hard about the idea before. I guess I always felt an undercurrent of certainty that I would not make a very good father. My own parents were such a mess by the end, and I feel like I share their stumbling ways more than my grandfather’s calm and timeless wisdom. I just always thought I had to wait until I had my shit together, and that if that never happened then it was okay to not father a child. Now I’m wondering if that was a mistake. How could it be, though, if I had no one to start my family with? It’s getting late when a knock on the door pulls me out of my meditation. It’s Jasmine, and she has.
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