I can’t function. Here you are and I can’t even breathe, the pain is so much. Do you feel it?’ She felt the tears welling in her eyes once more. How many had she shed? How many little manifestations of her agony had wet the ground here? Had any of them made their way through the cold, hard earth to reach him? Did he know the grief that ate at her soul, even two years after he had left her? Survivor guilt. That’s what all of the so-called experts were telling her, had been telling her. They tried to put a generic label on the void that stood where her life had been, tried to compartmentalize her loss until it fit into tidy little boxes. She was tired of it, more than tired, exhausted. Some of her friends were concerned that she was tired of living, that she was suicidal, but it was not living that had her so weary. Her life had, for all intents and purposes ended with the crash that had ripped him from her arms. It was draining, just moving from one moment to the next, pretending. I did find the whole experience satisfying in a kind of way as I knew I was pleasing my Mistress and hopefully Sir as well, although neither of them had any conversation for me. Once finished I poured them both a brandy and cleared the table, Mistress told me I could eat anything left in the kitchen that they had not eaten and to do the washing up. She also said she would call if they needed something. A short while later I heard my Mistress call ‘philippa’ so I went through to the lounge. I stopped dead in the doorway, Richard was next to my wife on the settee, her blouse was open and her skirt rucked up, she had no knickers on they were on the floor and Richard had one hand on her breast while the other was playing between her legs. Luckily I was speechless otherwise I am sure I would have got into trouble. When Richard saw me he stopped and they both turned to me. My wife said ‘As you might have guessed Richard is one of my lovers’ ‘While he is in this house and for that.
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