I will say this for Deb. She is a listener. She didn’t interrupt and I saw nothing on her face that would indicate she was judging me in some way. All I saw was a very real and sincere concern for my feelings. I finally ran out of steam after completely exposing all of my inner fears.She reached across the table and held my hands, then she looked into my eyes and said, “Don, I love you more than life itself. You are my whole life. Nothing we did last night was repulsive to me in any way. In fact, what I felt making love with you was how truly connected we were and the warmth of love that comes from a man who I know loves me completely.”She went on to describe her own concerns. That she had irreparably harmed our marriage. That in a moment of stupidity she had hurt me beyond anything I or she could bear.We talked for hours. I’d like to say that we solved all of the issues that bothered both of us, but that would be complete fantasy. Life is by far more complex. Although you can give. Not just by anyone, but by him. While I was no stranger to sex, it had never really been fulfilling for me. And I never felt connected to my partners. But now I begin to feel that maybe it was because I wasn’t turned on by traditional, vanilla sex. As I searched through site after site of anything from light bondage to almost torture I felt myself get wetter and wetter. By 11pm I was almost writhing in my chair. I felt flushed, like steam was coursing through my veins and my eyes were glazed over. I shut off the computer and decided a shower was what I needed. I stepped into the shower stall and although the water was hot, it felt cool on my overheated skin. The stinging spray did nothing to relieve my aroused state. I tried soaping my body but even the sponge against my skin seemed to turn me on more. I found myself dropping the sponge and caressing my body. The soap made my hands slide over the skin with ease. Running my hands over my belly, up my torso I then cupped my heavy,.
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