. you bloody muppet.”God, she felt good in my arms, she’d obviously just showered and she smelt of roses, but this rose punched me again and took my hand.Jason raised his glass and mouthed a “Hi” as we passed on the way to the downstairs toilet.“Tell me the date on that,” she said as she handed me a crumpled little strip of tablets.“Er well according to this, you took the last pill three days ago.”“Yes.”“But I heard you say... Oh shit.”And I watched her empty the whole strip down the pan.“Now come and watch me get pregnant.”I did and she did, she was in a flood of tears as we left the doctor’s office two months later.“I’m pregnant Paul,” she laughed and then started crying again, “I’m going to have a baby.”“Well yes,” I commented dryly. “That’s usually what being pregnant means.”We rang Jason that evening and it’s fair to say that he was every bit as pleased as we were. He rang back an hour later to say he’d booked us a holiday.“No arguments, no excuses, you’re going.”What he should. . mnn ... to invite her ... ohh...”Julie walked to the minibar and grabbed two little bottles of bourbon. “And let her find out on her own? And that she wasn’t invited? That’s, like, how every fairy tale begins, Troy, and I said I didn’t want a fairy tale wedding!”Their conversation was cut short by the sound of an incoming call on Skype. Julie walked over to the laptop, took a deep breath, slammed the contents of one of the bottles, and hit Answer. The screen filled with the image of a woman with short black hair and long, curled bangs. An emerald tiara sat on her head, matching her earrings and necklace. A smile of delight was on her face.“Julie, dear,” she said as if they’d just bumped into each other on the street. “How delightful to see you!”“Helen,” she replied as if she’d just bumped into someone she’d hoped to never see again on the street. “You’re looking well.”“That’s Contessa to you, and I’m looking SENSATIONAL, darling!”“Ok, Cuntessa. I see you got the invitation.”Helen.
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