The idea of returning here almost made me ill. But when I looked at Erin, or when I looked at myself in the mirror ... WOW! We were beautiful!!A woman came in with our dresses and our sandals. We were finally allowed to get dressed. Karen watched us put our dresses on and said to the owner of the shop, "It's such a shame to cover them up with those ... garments."The owner just smiled.We were each given a makeup case and told that if we forgot how to apply any of the items in the case to call the number that Karen had and we would be given further instructions.We followed Karen out to her car. As soon as we were on the road she asked, "Well, how was it?"Erin responded quietly, "Interesting."I said, "Except for the massage I hated it."I was then forced to admit reluctantly, "But I can't argue with the results."Karen chuckled and said, "I do love their massages. I'd get one every day if I had the time."I looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was just after four o'clock. I wasn't. .........What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had.
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