”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know, and their children, and theirs, and so many that I cannot think it, all dead, so long ago.What happens to M’kamba when I am no longer there, when I am vanished and do not return from hunt? Is it only my fantasy, my wish, that Siefert takes her as his woman and she accepts him for her man? I do not know, I can never know.But in my heart it is so. I am vanished, and M’kamba has no man, and Siefert has no woman. Will they not see this in each other? I know that M’kamba thinks well of Siefert, and he of her. Will they not choose to be together?It is right that they do. This is worst time for woman, if her man dies. Among us a man may put aside his woman if he chooses, but until woman accepts new man to herself that man must. The hamper was always so full of pantyhose, it was easy toraid it for a pair that I would hide in my room so that I could slip in mylong pants and winter boots to school. They were so much warmer than the longjohns mom would buy me for winter. So much more comfortable. I found myselfin school sitting mostly with the girls where I'd borrow there issue of Cosmomagazine and we'd talk about hair, make-up, clothes and even boys.I often was nervous that I'd be discovered in the school bathroom using thestall, but I didn't really care since I was happy. I was even happier when Istarted using the school library to try to research how sex change operationsworked. Unfortunately the Apple computers didn't have internet access andwasn't much luck over the years. I was just lucky I wasn't wearing a pairwhen I collapsed in a school field trip and was rushed sick to a hospitalwhere I spent the weekend.I suffered in silence as comfort as my hair covered body only sickened me.When I tried to shave my.
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