Her face revealed a lot.“So anyway,” she said without answering my question. “What does all of this have to do with...”“How I fucked up my life?” I said. “It’s background that hopefully helps you understand what happened.” She nodded, and I began telling her the story again.“So, like I said, I grew up obsessed with those pictures. Nobody, not even my granny knew about how they’d affected me. By my late teens, I was so obsessed that...”“So, you Uhm ... pleasured yourself with those pictures... ?” she asked.“Oh God no!” I spat. “But the pictures seemed to be my way out of the hell I’d been born and locked into.I wanted to be as happy as my dad and that woman were in the pictures. I figured out that both of them were happy when the pictures were taken because they were both truly and deeply in love.At the same time, I didn’t have any choice when it came to genetics. Maybe I wouldn’t become a drunk, like my mom did. And maybe it was the alcohol that caused her dementia. But even so, I’m. I always showed up early on these nights because I liked to start theevening by sucking off the owner and the other various interested maleemployees because, well, I liked it.But it also got me the use of the dressing room as well as a preferredtimeslot at the microphone. I liked to perform late enough that a fullaudience is there and early enough that there's plenty of time left over totake care of other things.As the owner zipped up his pants he said `Thanks ...and it looks like you'reup soon'I walked over to the small table and mirror in the corner and quickly fixedmy lipstick and wiped off a small drop of cum that had somehow landed on mychin. There was a water pitcher and glass on the table but I passed on that,I liked going out with the strong taste of cum in my mouth and the slicknessin my throat didn't hurt my singing.Picking up my old black Strat, I slipped inside the strap, slipped my glassslide on my pinkie, and walked out of the room and over to the side of thesmall stage.
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