I cleaned up thekitchen first, and that is when I noticed that Esteban and Manuel, heryard boys, were out back working in her garden. I sent Mandy a textmessage asking if she knew they were going to be there. I received aresponse letting me know that they came every Monday and asking me toprepare lunch for them on the patio. Great! I had to serve the help!But I told her I would, and added that to the list of things I needed todo.As I moved about doing my housework, it struck me that my mind was sofocused upon the various tasks that I needed to complete, I didn't reallyhave much time to dwell on the rest of my anxieties. I changed all of thebed linens by lunchtime, at which time I stopped to prepare lunch forEsteban and Manuel.They were just stopping for lunch when I opened the patio door to servethem. They looked at me shyly, as I went about serving them their meal. Irecognized the lustful gleam in their eyes though, being a guy myself. Ifelt conflicted about their reaction. .. not rejection, really. Distancing. But the logical part of me knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. He was trying to protect me ... even from himself. Just as I was making that connection, he was out of the bed and almost to the door."If you can wait an hour or so, I'll make you breakfast."He closed the door gently behind him. I curled up in that big bed alone and missed his warmth next to me. I refused to cry. I was tired of god damned crying. He was right to stop it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.How long had it been since I'd been with a man? Over a year, closer to two. But sleeping with Evan would be one big, fat complication right now.I needed to figure out what I was going to do with this new life, who I was going to be, and how to control this beast inside me that was so ruled by emotion and instinct. Jumping my host just because I was horny and he was available wasn't a terribly smart move.It wasn't like me. I was generally pretty cautious about men, waiting until I was.
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