✧ ✧ ✧A Large group of people is called a “No Thanks.”✧ ✧ ✧I had my patience tested. I’m negative.✧ ✧ ✧To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it. ✧ ✧ ✧Cop, “Please step out of the car.”Me, “I’m too drunk, you get in.” ✧ ✧ ✧When I say “the other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.✧ ✧ ✧I don’t mean to interrupt people; I just randomly remember things and get really excited.✧ ✧ ✧When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.✧ ✧ ✧I finally got 8 hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.✧ ✧ ✧Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.✧ ✧ ✧Sixty might be the new forty but 9:00 is the new midnight.✧ ✧ ✧Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I’d rather not ... I kinda want this job.✧ ✧ ✧When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear??”✧ ✧ ✧If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the. I said hold back big man, let us see what she has planned, it is clear from what she has put on she is going to have some fun tonight, so why rush it and spoil her fun. We watched as she bent and twisted in the mirror checking out what we could see as she moved around in the dress. She got a couple of clips and made adjustments to the dress to get the desired effect and display she wanted. We then watched her walk out of the bedroom and down towards the kitchen.We heard her walk towards the top of the stairs, then she took two steps down allowing us to see her legs, then another step, then she stopped for a second or two, then another step which allowed us to see her stocking tops just under the em of the dress, she then bent down allowing her tits to come into view as the dress fell open and asked if someone would like to come and help her serve up the ribs as they were done.I walked over to the tray of shot glasses and held one up towards her, saying I thought you needed another.
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