But in spite of wielding the knife and assuring myself that I was going to thrust it into my stomach, I just could not get the power and zeal and spirit to accomplish that. Mother. I thought about her. Alia Leif. What would she do without me? I was her one and only daughter. The only girl she adored more than anything in this world. Yes, even more than her own happiness and well-being. Was this how I was going to repay her for everything that she had done for me? By killing and depriving her of my companionship and intercourse. No, that was not being fair, or was it? That night, while it poured hard and showered and thundered outside, I dreamt about Espen. These days, ever since I had become so humiliated and depressed and chilled about where my life was going, I had been experiencing frequent and endless and incessant nightmares. Nightmares about I myself wedding with fire-winged and hellish-looking demons and devils, nightmares about enraged and murderous-looking mobs and throngs. Sometimes Wes sneaked back into her mind. But Wes was just that--a dream. He didn’t even know she existed. All last year he’d sat beside her in Algebra and at the end of the year he called her “Jamie.”She’d been crushed. Brock knew her name, that’s for sure. The kiss they had shared that night after the movie had sent jolts of electricity to all of Jenny’s interesting spots. But that’s as far as Brock had gone--kissing.He hadn’t tried to touch her breasts. He hadn’t put his hand on her butt. Hell, they hadn’t even French kissed until she had taken the initiative and slipped her tongue into his mouth. That was the night before she had to come to this god-forsaken place.It was an absolute shame that Brock had been alone in his house the whole summer and she’d been 400 miles away smelling horse shit. But every night, in her dreams, she paid a visit to the house next door as soon as her mother had left for work. And in her dreams she and Brock had gone a hell of lot farther than kissing.
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