It brought back memories of my youth and my beloved home in Islamabad in a time of innocence amongst the ruins.I remembered my first bout of oral sex.In the spirit of complete disclosure, I must admit it was with my now-dead older sister who was depraved in her own special feminine way. She was the one who had started me on my journey of depravity and our secret union was the beginning of my nature of concealment that ruled my existence.She constantly fed me little treats to keep my spunk tasting sweet on her lips just the way she liked her cream early each morning. Our parents smiled at her generosity never suspecting their little darlings of such decadent activities.I first watched the act of carnal union between the sexes when she hid me in the closet of her bedroom as she spread her legs for the landlord. She had explained it was her way of asking forgiveness for our father’s tardiness in paying the rent and the landlord seemed quite satisfied with the secret arrangement.I never. But sometimes, they stop working and I need to get them adjusted.’ Janet leaned forward and listened closely to Sam. ‘Sam, describe what you go through to me.’ The compassionate, loving Janet was back now. ‘It’s a heavy unexplainable sadness. Everything could be going great in my life. Good relationship, good job, money in the bank and healthy. But I still feel like my existence is meaningless. It takes incredible effort to even smile. It’s like a cancer that won’t go away. It might go into remission for a while, but eventually it is going to come back.’ ‘Is there a cure?’ she asked hopefully. But Sam’s facial expression answered her question. He looked at the floor. ‘Not yet. There are many different treatments and theories about what may cause it, but no known true cure.’ Janet just stared at Sam. A single tear ran down her cheek. ‘What can you do to make it better?’ ‘Endorphins from running help a lot. Eating healthy and getting enough rest are good strategies too. Janet, I know.
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