.." she hesitated, "I farted." I wanted to laugh but I knew not to. My wife had gained about sixty pounds since we got married five years ago. She tried weight loss programs and they worked for a while but then as soon as she was off of them she gained back most of the weight, and then some.This time she was serious though. She went back to the diet center and made terrific progress, losing the first fifty pounds in six months, but the last ten pounds would not budge. Rather than give up she asked me if we could afford a personal trainer, I told her how could we not afford one.Pretty soon she not only made her goal but she was in better shape than when I first met her. One day I went to the park to meet her and I saw she was in a group of women working out. The trainer, Vincent, was helping her do some stretching. His powerful hands were wrapped around her calves as he pushed her knees towards her chest. I don't know why, but that image stood in my head, it bothered me, maybe it was. The teller at the bank immediately called the manager when Ethel presented her paperwork to withdraw her money. The manager tried to weasel out of giving her the money, then he tried to give her paper instead of the gold coin that she was entitled to. Finally, Ethel lost her temper. She said in a very steady voice, "You give me my money right now! If you don't, I am going to the law. Now, make up your mind. You have 10 seconds to decide."They never knew if it was the threat in her voice or the threat of the law, but whatever it was, the bank manager caved in and directed the teller to start gathering the money. He wanted to pay most of it in $500 gold bars. Ethel agreed, but demanded that every one be weighed in front of her eyes before she accepted it. When the ordeal was over, Ethel had 36 gold bars in two saddle bags. The total weight was nearly 51½ pounds. The 26 pounds in each bag was a welcome burden as they marched out of the bank.They caught a cab to their hotel where they.
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