Samantha had on her purple one, and Ellie her black one. Mary had on a very tiny white bikini, and Liz had on a slightly more modest red one that struggled to contain her large breasts. I had on my boxer-style trunks, which thankfully were loose fitting. Wearing a Speedo with these four girls would have been an even bigger invitation to mischief than just being in the sauna with them.“How is school going?” I asked.I got varied answers, though basically they all were good students. Three of them were in the band. I had known that Ellie played the saxophone and Mary played the flute, and I found out that Liz played the clarinet. All three of them were in the concert band. We got to talking about colleges, as well. Samantha was going to UofC, and Ellie, as she’d said, was going to Rosary and living at home. Liz was going to Notre Dame, and Mary was going to Boston College.“Three out of four are Catholic schools,” I observed.“It’s much easier to get scholarships,” Mary said. “Our parish. It seemed that every time I used my vibe, it was to the thought of one of my black heroes pounding away inside me.For a while, of course, that's all it was. But as Bobby became more abusive, particularly after a night of heavy drinking, I found myself escaping by replacing the unattainable movie stars I fantasized about, with the black strangers I saw all around me in real life.My obsession grew to the point where in my mind, I practically undressed every black man I saw. I fantasized about them fucking me anywhere, anyplace, anytime. I guess part of it was that my husband didn't want me anymore; he liked to hit me, so my head told me I deserved to be taken and used like a slut.It became very complicated, a sort of mixture of the need to be punished mixed with the sexual arousal that was all but consuming me. When a black man looked back at me, that made me feel better. He wanted me; why didn't Bobby?So I began to frequent places where I would be able to see or interact with the men.
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