I was a littleflustered talking about that. Here was why I was a little flustered.I so want him to fuck me. Yes, it was vulgar, but I want that man toravish me. I needed to convey what I wanted, so I did say fuck.Going to Sally's was great and the owner was there. She was the onewho did my hair. She was larger than life and had so much energy. Wewent with a bob. While styling it at the end Sally made sure Iunderstood each step she did. The best part is I can just comb myhair back for when I have to portray Ben.The Pedicure was even better than I remembered. I think because thistime I was not doing it for a costume, but for myself. I went withRed for the polish. I was thinking green but just saw red and it feltright.I went home to get ready, then changed my mind. Sally did amasterpiece with my hair and it would have been a crime to not sportit for the day. Plus, nothing bad would happen if I went to thetattoo parlor dressed like who I am. Pink, I am giggling right nowfor I think I am. She was just as nervous as I was, maybe more so, now that I had inadvertently drawn her attention to my size. I felt the burden of my anxiety evaporate. Somehow, knowing she was embarrassed, put us on the same level, and I no longer felt the need to try. My only goal now was to try to rescue Lidia from the morass of nerves I had just found my way free of. As I asked her about her home, showing her my interest by asking follow-up questions, I couldnt help but be reminded of several girls I knew. They had done the same thing I was doing now. In drawing me out, they were trying to retard the nervousness that was blocking a closer relationship. I felt embarrassed that my nervousness was so easily recognized, and grateful that they cared enough to help me out. I also considered that maybe they were attracted to me, and berated myself for being too busy freaking out to notice. They heady feeling that those girls, and possibly Lidia as well, were attracted to me, had a life changing affect..
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