.."She gave me the sign for hold on. She exhaled."Drinks, you asshole. I'm hanging out with my best friend. I won't be coming back tonight."I looked down at her head."Well fuck you if you can't do me this favor and take care of the kids. You're their dad, you can fucking figure it out. Hot dogs, pizza, take them to McDonald's."She looked up at me, and shook her head."Bye!" Trouble in paradise?" I teased.She slammed the phone shut and shoved it back into her bag."What a piece of shit. Pissed me off." Sorry about your husband." I rubbed her shoulder. My dick was getting limp.She was tense. "Sorry about that. Grown man can't even take care of himself. I leave him home one night with the kids, and he can't even handle that. I'm telling you, his mother spoiled him. Old cow turned that man into a little bitch. Why did I ever marry him?"Fuck him. Come here," I said.I stroked her smooth blond hair. She picked up my waning hard-on and placed it back into her mouth. I held her head. A few more. Then I didn't even take advantage of what I was jealous about." I know I keep coming back to this, honey, but I really do love you so much. If you were about to be hit by a car, I would, without hesitation, without even having to think about it, push you out of the way and die for you. I would. I love you that much. But I just couldn't open myself up to you, day to day. I would die for you, but I couldn't live for you. I realize how stupid that sounds now, but I couldn't stop. Even now, I'm putting this down for you to read after I'm dead, instead of calling you or hopping on a plane to come see you and telling you personally. You deserved better than me. The girls deserved a better Mom than me." I wish I could change, sweetheart. I want to be the woman you always wanted as your wife. I have gone down this road too long to change now. There simply isn't time to change the way I wish I could for you, even if I could." Please don't grieve for me too long, Patrick. There are too many.
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