Evenmore than 10 years after being feminised, I wished that was me with thepenis. I wished I was the one getting ready to enter my wife, instead oflying back and waiting for my husband to enter me.And, paradoxically, that is what did it for me. The thought that I washelpless to do this, because my penis had been reduced to a tiny clitoriswhich could only wait for my husband's touch, was incredibly arousing. Icould almost feel myself gushing as I got wet and turned on as neverbefore, as I realised how weak and feminine I was, and wished for thepenis that wasn't there. I was at the mercy of Ted, because he was theone with the penis, taking me and entering me.I got so aroused, and so wet, that first time sex was almost easy. Afterhe entered me I quickly came to the most intense orgasm of my life.And so finally, after wedding night sex, I began to accept my femalebody. But still, much as I accepted it, much as I enjoyed sex, I stillhad that secret wish that I was the man.*****A couple of. I contemplated divorce. While it was an ugly prospect I was in an untenable situation. I was beginning to feel like I didn't have a choice. That thought alarmed me. My father taught me to believe that there was always a choice. It was a warm August evening. I decided to take a walk. It felt good to get outside. I passed a sandwich shop. Realizing I was hungry I stopped and bought a roast beef and cheese sandwich. I sat on a bus bench while I ate it. When I was finished I started walking again. Dusk came, I kept walking. The night lights came on and the cocktail lounges, restaurants and night clubs started filling. I passed a small bar, The Cosmopolitan Lounge. A neon sign in the front window advertised jazz piano. Deciding that it looked appealing and a glass of scotch would taste good, I went inside. There were seven people in the bar. A fifty something, slightly overweight, balding bartender appeared to be in charge. An older, reasonably fit black man with salt and pepper hair was.
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