I followed, and barely saw her tuck away a keycard and push through the door. Catching the door before it could close, I stepped through it, and into the room. The sound of the door swinging shut and clicking closed behind me, had a feeling of finality. At that very moment, I felt like Alice falling through the looking glass. It was the most lavishly decorated room I’d ever seen. Victorian style furniture and lampshades, in golds and deep reds, filled the room. Pearlesque carpets with decorative designs woven into them, accented room transitions, and centerpieces. I was shocked and speechless at the extraordinarily rich scene laid out before me. Mom danced around the room like a schoolgirl, giggling in delight, She came back over and looked up at me grinning. I went to remove my mask, but she stopped me with a hand on my arm. I wasn’t sure why, but I left the mask on. There was a moment where I wondered what we were doing in a hotel room. She had obviously paid for and checked into. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a house full of our memories together, the.
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