I guess I thought mostly about those little boys while I climbed the stairs and went back to Mark's and my apartment. I know I was thinking about them when I went inside. And I went right through my bedroom to the sun porch Ma had enclosed and let us have for a sitting room of our own. It was dark in there and I dropped onto the beat-up old rattan lounge and stared out the low windows at the cottonwoods and the street lights and wondered if any of those little boys recognized me now when they came bowling.I was a little ashamed of myself; the crotch of my panties was wet from the goo my thoughts had triggered. My hands shook a little, too, but that was mostly from the fury and frustration I'd felt in the dining room.There was a faint scuffling sound and Mark plunked down on the edge of the lounge. He leaned over me and sort of cuddled me without saying anything, as if he were twenty-two and I were fourteen. I let myself float in the warmth and security of his boyish embrace for awhile. "He's sleeping, but rather fitfully," she said upon her return.They adjourned to the living room where Sarah put on some soft music and they danced. She still had an occasional flashback to the night David Bell raped her, but they were coming less frequently now and were somehow not as disturbing, especially with Michael here. She had decided she would never tell Michael what had actually taken place that night. It would only serve to incense him and she wondered how he might feel about her, especially the fact, coercion or no coercion, that she had given her panties to her rapist. No, she thought, there was nothing positive to be gained from telling Michael everything. She hadn't actually lied. She had simply told Michael that Bell had appeared at her doorstep and threatened to reveal the tape and file the cheating accusations if she didn't stop seeing Michael. Thinking he had won, he demanded a pair of her panties which, in order to get rid of him, she had given him. All this was.
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