She thought about it a lot. She thought about cuttingagain all the time and there were moments it was hard not doing it.In her mind, the fresh razor blade carved through her skin several times.Like a warm knife through butter. Blood drops formed and ran down thearm. Dropped to the floor, leaving red sprinkles on the white tiledbathroom floor. She would just sit there and watch the blood. Smearingthe blood along the wound. Satisfied. At least for a few moments. Thosewere the moments she stood in front of her cabinet. Watching therazorblades. Right next to the bandages, skin closure strips and sterilecompresses. For minutes. Sometimes longer. Ramona kept coming back aswell on those days. Staring blankly into the cabinet. Not doing it madeher feel proud of herself. And disappointed. The negativity was in her,did not bled out.Maybe the loneliness added to her current feelings. She tried dating butalways felt either disgusted or didn't click with the persons she wrote.Those experiences. I really didn't need a bra. Even at thirty seven my tits were still perky. The dress was short. It only came to the middle of my thighs. I slipped on a pear of white panties. I took one last look in the mirror. I thought to myself. "For a mother of an eighteen year old son, I still looked good. I know my husband still likes what I look like. He tries to fuck me at least five times a week." I heard the car horn.I ran downstairs, closed and locked the front door and headed for the car. My son was already in the seat. I sat down on his lap and swung my legs into the car. I looked down and notice my dress barely covered my thighs. It rode up pretty high. My son was wearing baggy shorts and a t-shirt. I closed the car door. I was glad I was wearing this dress. I could feel the back of my bare legs on my son's bare legs. "How are you doing?" I asked my son."Fine, mom, you really don't weigh anything. No problem."I looked over the TV at my husband. "Do you have enough room to drive?" I.
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