With results that are almost instantaneous, the STD test results came back negative and Mae came home that evening to tell me the big news that our threesome could proceed. Inside there was still a small part of me that wanted her to test positive for something so that I could get out of the situation as I still felt a bit uncomfortable. I spent a long time finding my wife, I was scared to death that something like this would cause our relationship to fall apart. Nobody could blame me as my wife had tried being a lesbian before she met me and with Stacy in a terrible relationship and likely wanting to leave her husband I couldn't help but wonder if I was setting the stage for my wife to leave me for another woman. Insecurities have haunted me my entire life. So, here we were, a little more than 24 hours away from the most adventurous thing I had done sexually since I was 18 years old. I didn't talk much about the plan that night, but Mae did. She was so excited that she was. ........What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had.
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