Ian has left me an invitation, anyway. A chance to go to Christmas Mass, sing in praise of everything I cannot put real words to and oh! I love it so! I love him, I really do, but I wish he weren’t such as a church-goer. I am terribly afraid of loud organs in large closed spaces. Almost spooky it felt the last time I went. ‘8am. See you there’, it says on the note. But I didn’t go. You know me. I never keep appointments that I make. Especially not at 8am to go to someone’s cult gathering when it’s 20 degrees outside and I can be warm and asleep. You left a message on the phone. Usually when you leave a message there is a nice ring to your voice, something loving the way it teases as it says, ‘See you soon’. But none of that today. The christian zealot is mad I did not attend the Mass to thank the God who saved his very life from the hands of cancer. I went there once, though. To pray. I had teary eyes and a nice dagger through my heart and it helped me to beg a lot. And. ...When we arrived at the party, it exceeded my expectations, an old building, dimmed light, sinister music, the smell of spiled beer, leather, poppers, urine, crowded with men in Leather, Jeans, Rubber, harnas, jockstrap, or just a cockring. Mark got us some ticket and we went to the lockers. He told me to take off my jacket and lock it away. He dropped the bag in the locker, took out a bottle of poppers, a tube of lube and some cuffs and put it in his jacket. I raised my eyebrows, "here"? "Yes, and more" he said as he took out a big padle. Full in sight, it send the shivers down my spine, 2,5" Wide, 12"long, and a fucking inch thick with rivets all over the dammned thing. I've been chastened with Belts, Canes even whips, and liked it. But this looked more like a bonebreaker Mark had a look in his eyes that could mean heaven, or hell, or both... "Scared ? I promise, you'll beg for it later." I didn't feel less woried, but i trusted him...We went to the first floor, where the bar.
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