Then she looked at me and sighed in relief.“So it wasn’t a dream”, she said. “You really came for me.” Her voice sounded blurred with sleep.Should I tell her I almost hadn’t? Mother said on her note not to take any important decisions about her for the moment, not to make things hard on her, and to remember to tell her I didn’t blame her. I might tell her later when this was all a bad memory for us both.“You need to take some pills for the pain.”“I don’t want to”, she whined. The note had warned me her reactions could be a little unpredictable. I managed not to snap at her.“Now Mandy, don’t be difficult”, I said, as if patiently dealing with a small child. I got the pills for her, and the jug with a straw for her to drink.She pouted, but she reluctantly opened her mouth and swallowed them. I offered her the straw and she sucked greedily. I paced her a little by pinching the straw, not wanting her to go too quickly, but I let her drink her fill. She must have been parched. I realised. It knows the only source of relief is my Mistress, who is sound asleep in her comfortable bed, and does not stop thinking of her.The stark dichotomy between us plays over in my mind, embedding my inferiority to her in my mind as an absolute; 3+4=7, dogs bark, and I am inferior to my Mistress. My mind drifts in and out of consciousness. Even the short dreams that are supposed to relieve me from my suffering are of me in humiliating bondage; so it suffers for her even in sleep. While my mind is cognizant it is restricted to the thoughts that my Mistress has allowed it to think. The agony of my nylon encased feet locked in my debilitating shoes, the unrelenting pain in my thighs, the complete thankfulness to her for allowing me a blanket, the discomfort of my face as it lies in my own spittle, the cold as it saps the strength from my body, my constant and complete arousal, and HER! I need her so much I feel like crying.I want nothing more than just to see her, to see her calves as they.
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