It’s not uncommon for visitors who aren’t Orthodox not to do that.”“I just don’t want you to get in any trouble.”“I should have said something, but don’t worry, that won’t be a problem.”It was about fifteen minutes before the bishop finished speaking to members of the congregation when he signaled that I should come to him. I did, taking Clarissa with me. I received his blessing then introduced Clarissa and asked that she be able to join us. He arched an eyebrow, but nodded. We followed him to what I assumed was the pastor’s office.“So, Reader Michael, what was so urgent that it needed my immediate attention?”I repeated what I had told Father Nicholas earlier, and wasn’t surprised when the bishop had a slight smile and a twinkle in his eye, then shook his head.“I believe you’ve made quite the mess for yourself, Mischa!” he said with a soft laugh.Once he called me ‘Mischa’, I knew I could address him as ‘you’ without violating protocol.“Yes, I have. But I wanted to ensure you knew I. ..Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the.
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