She babysat for us 2 days after her birthday and we had a couple of gifts wrapped up for her. She excitedly tore through the wrapping paper and was thrilled with the clothes that Babs had picked out for her. Babs asked if she had a good birthday and she said she had, except there was one gift that she had really hoped for had not received. When Babs asked her what it was, she said that she really wanted me to be her first sex partner and to take her virginity. Babs and I were both speechless. I just stood there with a blank look on my face and had no idea what to say or do. Babs was pretty much in the same state of shock as I was. Alex could tell that she completely surprised us and started giggling. She told us that was what she wanted and asked us to just think about it tonight as we headed out to our group orgy.In the car, Babs and I talked about it and neither of us were sure what to do. She was still u******e and I could go to jail and ruin my career if anyone found out, but she. I am an introvert. A serious introvert. One of nearly the hermit kind. One of my favorite quotes on the subject is by the writer Neal Stephenson: “Where did all these people come from, and how do I make them go away?” What this means as far as Christmas is concerned is that even though I enjoy gift-giving, I absolutely hate crowds.When I was about thirty and single—in days before the Internet—I developed tactics for shopping that made dealing with the crowds easier. I didn’t shower, shave, or brush my teeth for three days before going out to hit the malls (in those days, a stubbly face was a sign of poor grooming rather than a fashion statement). On the fateful day, I dressed in raggedy, grubby clothes. A pair of jeans I’d dragged around the garage floor until they were grimy and reeked of oil and gasoline. A tattered shirt. A holey tee-shirt was the best, weather permitting. Then I’d chew and swallow three cloves of raw garlic, washing each mouthful down with a shot of whiskey..
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