My respect for her and other smokers rose exponentiallyas my lungs caught on fire and I doubled over from the pain. I felt mymother's hand on my back as I coughed and coughed. My eyes filled withwater and I was lucky that I didn't drop my cigarette on the carpet.Mom laughed and said, "Not as easy as it looks. Is it?"I coughed out the words, "How do you do it Mom? Its awful!" Had enough then?" she asked as she tried to take the cigarette from myhand."No," I said as I moved my hand away from hers. In spite of the initialdiscomfort, I wanted to keep trying it. Smoking was part of the mentalimage I had of "Nancy." It does get better, right?" I asked as I took a reluctant, slight dragand exhaled. The second puff of smoke was as awful as the first but atleast I knew what to expect."Unfortunately it does get better with practice," my mother said.I asked my mom if I was holding it right."I wouldn't worry about that right now. We can work on your mannerismsafter you get used to. After all that had happened tonight, his sanity was hanging by a thread. The same could be said for her life. How was it that yesterday night they were discussing office gossip over mouthfuls of seafood and sangria and today her heart stopped beating for eight minutes? She was quite literally dead in both the medical and legal sense for eight minutes. Gwyneth went over to the afterlife and came back. The grief came down in torrents, destroying whatever was left of his already brittle psyche. Fear. Fear. The fear of losing her was such a visceral reaction, he actually felt like retching. The nausea hit him hard, inciting a gurgle of dry heaves. He felt sick to the marrow. Then there was the guilt of knowing that this was all his fault. If only he had been more vigilant. If only he had possessed the foresight to anticipate this. If only they were prepared. If only he was less arrogant. If only she was protected. Safety deigned a price far beyond any fortune could have afforded, and.
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