"The fear of leaving a safe place."The need to know the answers without the willpower to find them was disconcerting him. He felt powerless, unable to focus or concentrate. His mind wandered to all sorts of worst case scenarios for himself, for the farm, for his family, for the people he had vowed to save and protect ... They came at him rapid fire as a sort of high speed nightmare-scape. He felt a weight of pressure upon his chest and shoulders, as if another person were sitting on his shoulders, or twenty-five people to be exact. His heart and lungs seemed to burn as the panic and anxiety drove his vital signs toward oblivion. It was the body's own suicide routine, designed to kill itself if the mind simply could not handle the outcome of its conditions and these conditions were quickly becoming unbearable.The questions piled deeper and deeper, building up a mountain of anxiety. Sometime around three o'clock the effects simply overwhelmed him and he went to the house, feeling light. December 4, 12Doc and I talked a lot about my depression. I got laid off. The only ones targeted were guys like me with boobs. The rumor is they were trying to cut health care costs since we were more likely to get breast cancer. Doc wondered if maybe some of the 'old boys' weren't a little threatened by our bodies. Doc asked if I was going to sue. I already talked to a lawyer, and she thinks we have a great case. It should be filed within the next week or two. In the meantime, unemployment is hard. Mary got me a job in the store she works in. When I interviewed, the store management wanted me to work in men's clothing, selling bras to 'boob guys' like myself. Mary was upset. She wants me wearing woman's clothing all the time now, and she pushed until they put me in lingerie. Doc thought it would be great experience for me, and that it would help me get more in touch with my feminine side. Doc says it's good sign that I'm more comfy in women's clothes. Mary says the same.
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