I felt this sense of extreme loss.I sat there staring out the window for a long time. Having no idea what I was going to do. I managed to avoid the two of them until dinner. Jane knocked on my door and announced that dinner was ready. I mumbled something to the effect that they should go ahead without me. Jane asked in her concerned voice, "What's the matter Daddy? Won't you please come join us?"I told her everything was fine, to just ignore me. She went away and I sat there for another indeterminate period. Then I heard a soft knock on the door and Linda's voice, "John?"I invited her in. She stood there and looked at me with a strange, sad, compassionate stare. Then she said, "You heard us last night?"I looked at her for what seemed like a long time. I thought of how beautiful she was. Of my feelings for her, almost like my daughter. But I wanted her. I knew that then. I wanted her in my bed but she was my daughter's lover. My heart hurt as I stared at the lovely Linda. Then I. I stared at her for along moment, then glanced at Mr. Jackson, who was struggling to sit upin his soggy bed while making incoherent choking noises."Go on now, dear," said Anabel. "Help the other people here. Butremember me if *you* ever need a helper."I spent a minute leaning against the wall outside the room after I left,getting my thoughts and feelings back in order. I don't think I realizeduntil that moment the magnitude of what I was doing. These were people,individually more varied than snowflakes, as all people are; but old andexperienced. They had already played out life's distractions and traps.What might they do with another whole lifetime in front of them, youthand strength tempered by the knowledge and wisdom of age?My progress slowed as I went on. A man had begun yelling over the PAsystem a few minutes ago, giving orders, and security forces started toappear in the halls, shepherding the little knots of suddenly young andvery confused patients which were forming. Twice,.
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