My coffee cup and the newspaper had grown larger and were wavering. I turned my head. The walls flowed as the room expanded. I pushed against the table to steady myself. My hands felt separate from my arms.I looked at Leah. She had sat back in her chair. Her eyes where wide in alarm.“Somethings wrong, Leah!” I pushed up from the chair in slow motion. She looked at me as if I were a stranger.Ingrid bounded into the room. A blur of Ingrid afterimages trailed after her. She grabbed Leah’s arm and jerked her from her chair. Leah looked at her and started laughing. Ingrid slapped her telling her to “Shut up!” Leah fell to her knees and began to laugh hysterically. Ingrid started dragging her.My feet felt dislocated and weightless. I had to think about each movement, lifting one foot after the other. I followed around the table, the pile of the carpet was thick mud. I staggered after them into the hallway. Ingrid waited poised outside the door. She towered over me. I abstractedly watched. .Cancer! I always thought it was the other guy who gets that. Iknew at the point of the suggested second surgery I was willing to doanything to survive. But more surgery still sounded so scary to me.Would I wake up afterward, would I die on the table? Will I end uplooking like some kind of freak? Even with this series of surgeries andtreatment there was no guarantee of health. The cancer had spread to myesophagus. I was afraid.On the way into the surgical room I lost it several times. I was cryingasking for my wife but they said it was too late. Within minutes theanesthesiologist was putting that mask over my face and moments later Iwas unconscious.As I woke up I my head was sore. I could hardly see because my eyes werepartially covered by bandages. As I became more alert, I could see Katiesitting on a chair next to me and a smile was on her face."Paul, everything went according to the plan! Dr. Turnbull was able toremove the tumor and all its tendrils! She was very confident you.
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