"You'll be okay. It'll pass," but it wouldn't pass. At least not until I got what I needed. He holds the back of my head and takes in a deep breath, kissing the top of my head. I cried for a bit as he kept comforting me. I was scared of these feelings. I felt dirty but I liked it too much to make them stop. I was afraid that if I didn't get SOME sort of comfort soon, I wouldn't be able to control myself afterwards and probably do something stupid like fuck the next guy who appeared in front of me. I guess that's what I did, in a way, later on. I was about to pull away, feeling better, when I noticed something quite odd. With his free hand, he was making small circles on the uncovered part of my back—the lower part—and he was caressing my hair with the other one. It felt nice. I couldn't deny that. Heck, it felt amazing but that wasn't the only thing I felt, though. I felt something poking my stomach. Something hard but soft at the same time. I quickly pulled away from him after. But at that time, I cared the least. I asked mom again about the ground rules. This time she replied, “He must use a condom.” I replied, “Anything else.” She said, “Only thing I can think of.”I asked another question, “Would you like it better if I am watching next to you? Or if I leave you both alone in a room and wait outside and you tell me everything?” I know that she definitely wants me next to her but her reply was “I prefer if you wait outside.” I was kind of shocked.I really didn’t expect her to say that. But I did not react. I kept cool. But I threw a fake smile and said, “Oh, nice. I love that. But then I will put a camera and a watch.” She replied immediately, “That’s better.” I was a bit curious about why she preferred me outside waiting while giving him and the boy the privacy.So I asked her, “Why do you prefer me outside than me being there watching you?” She said, “I don’t know. Maybe I will not be comfortable you watching me have sex with him. You can put a camera and.
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