I concentrated on thefeel of the breasts, under my shirt. They were only rolled up socks, butthe girdle had been buckled up all the way up this time and though I couldhardly breathe, I knew my body was fully in place and exactly how itshould have been. That's what people don't tend to understand. I wear these things becauseinside, deep down where nobody sees, I'm just me and I'm a girl. On theexterior, that fact couldn't be more wrong. But just for now, just forthis moment as I drift in the sea of warmth, I know that I feel one stolenstep closer to that person inside. You who throw these words, first consider how true you are being toyourself within the scope of your life. We live in an age where choicesreally do matter and indecisions hurt much more. So how indecisive areyou? How much of that deep down inner part of your soul resembles that ofyour exterior. Do not say all, for that is incorrect. No one, apart fromthe insane are truly satisfied with himself or herself. We all want. I wonder why Suzanne hasn’t called me and asked how things are going. I hate to call her. It would be hard to make it sound like everything is OK if I had to call. I don’t want to admit it even to myself, but part of me finds what Heidi and Lisa are planning exciting. But when it comes to the risk in expanding my penis, damn, that may be more fearful than the possibility of dying.’ Lisa said, ‘I told Heidi we’d stop and pick up some Chinese food and she’ll join us for dinner. The three of us can discuss your future some more.’ ‘Look, I appreciate that you and Heidi are concerned about my future, but I think I’d like to consider what my options would be to make it on my own. Ultimately I’ll have to do that anyway. I have to admit the thought of enlarging my penis isn’t totally new. If I’m honest with you, I’ve always suffered from a bit of ‘penis envy’ so I’m not rejecting your suggestion, but I’d like to think about it. It’s funny talking about with you who admitted to being afraid.
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