They gave me some sleeping pills and put me to bed. I went to sleep almost immediately. I was in and out of consciousness for days; waking only when the nightmares punished me again. Every time I looked around, Early was there. Sometimes he was holding my hand, other times he was giving me my medicine. I still couldn't look at his face without seeing those empty blue eyes. I don't know if he slept or not. It didn't look as if he did. This vibrant, physical, marvelous man was totally beaten. My guilt was overwhelming. My own selfish, thoughtless ego had gotten us here. How would we ever survive?We found out later, John left town shortly after being terminated. He was just one step ahead of the warrant from the New York District Attorney's office. There were a number of fraud charges he has to answer. We didn't hear from him until much later and then the destruction he caused was even greater.I was placed in a mental hospital for my depression. It was three months before I was. Sometimes when I’m loving either of you I feel the hurt and the anger for Pat. It keeps me from really, completely being with either of you.’ Mike said, ‘It gets between us as brothers sometimes too.’ Jenny lifted her head and said, looking into my eyes, ‘I really thought I could drive everything about her out of you. If I loved you hard enough, she’d be gone. It’s been three years. She’s still always with us. What I’m going to say sounds crazy in my head. I know it will sound even crazier when I say it out loud.’ She paused and said, ‘Invite her here. I’ll make dinner for all of us. We forgive her, we spell out the rules of this family and we offer her in. It’s the only way we can be free.’ Tears flowed from all of us. She was right. Lee was right. Mike was right. I felt myself resisting. Jenny crawled a little higher into my lap and said, ‘Kiss me completely.’ I gave her everything I had and knew I was holding something back. The kiss ended and Jenny got off my lap, found our phone.
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