I was very happy, and excited about trying to get back in touch with the man I loved and had married. I had gone off the pill and our sex life had exploded. We were acting like newlyweds again, hoping each time we made love that we would he would impregnate me.But before we could start over, I knew I had to call my black lover, to tell him that I could not see him again. He wanted us to meet at his apartment, but I had made up my mind he was not going to seduce me again with his touch and kisses. I insisted we go for a drive in the country, away from everyone and, most importantly, away from the temptation of an afternoon in his apartment.We parked at a hidden picnic area near a small stream and walked along the stream banks holding hands. I told him that I loved him but I had to stop seeing him. I told him why and how important it was for me, that I had decided that I wanted another baby, the baby I had wanted to have with him, but he had run from the commitment.He didn't want to. I may be going crazy. Who is to say what is real? I mean, molecules and microbes make up the air we breathe every day, and we take for granted that they are real. But have you ever seen one? No? Well, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist, right? Millions of people believe in a God which they trust exists only through faith. Could all these millions of people be written off as insane because they believe in something that cannot be proved? Then there’s the small matter of quantum physics. One of our favorite topics. We’ve talked about this before. A field of science so unbelievable that no one seems able to explain how it works. A field of science that may one day prove that there are other dimensions beyond those that man lives. So what is real? Let me start from the beginning. It started with the noises. Scratching. Scurrying. I figured we had a rat problem. Rats in the walls. It reminds me of a story I read once, but that’s what we figured. An infestation. Sounds dirty, doesn’t it?.
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